How Kris Humphries Reacted to Kim’s Baby News…

It was obviously a big weekend in the pop culture world, with the King of douschism and his first lady announcing their first child. If you want to read a play by play of how it went down on social networking, I suggest you read Rembert Browne’s article from Grantland, who breaks it down pretty much to the second. In fact, read Rembert anyway. His job is to write about conversations we all have at bars every night. It’s pretty awesome. 

(ESPN is reporting that Baby Kanye will be signing a 4year/$40mil contract with TLC upon birth. Terms of contract are still being negotiated.)

One thing Rembert forgot about, was well, the reaction of Kim’s ex. Brooklyn forward Kris Humphries has had a rough year. He went through a divorce that lasted longer than his marriage, lost his starting job, had it revealed that he enjoys small dogs, and had his free throw blocked by a referee. It must have gotten even worse, however, when he found out about his still wife’s(yes, they are still married) pregnancy to the man’s who songs are deliberately being played too much on the radio to annoy him. Luckily for us, we had our eye on Kris as he found out, weirdly enough from GM Billy King.

King: Kris, how were the holidays?

Kris: Spent them with my dogs, saw my shorter friends, worked on my deep voice, and didn’t have any free throws blocked. All in all a good day. Oh, and I didn’t have to meet with my lawyer for the first time in a year. So it was pretty good.

King: Yah, well, Kris, that’s why I brought you in here; you may want to call him.

Kris: Why, does Kim want the dogs back? THOSE ARE MY DOGS KING. MY DOGS.

King: No, No…but Kris. You look ridiculous with those things. Anyway….We uhh, well reports just broke…that uhh…KimYe is pregnant.


-Kris is obviously a little bitter about the situation, but needless to say, we wish the best for him and his now excellent evidence against Kim in their divorce battle. Can’t really hide a Kanye baby. Especially when he announces it to a concert at Atlantic City. More to follow on this later.

PS- This whole thing has to be so awkward for Jay-Z right? Oh wait, I forgot, he probably doesn’t know how to feel awkward he’s that cool.


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